A Piece of Me

I use to like writing abstract things...
it was my way of showing a "creative" part of me however I hid it.
I seldom shared these pieces of writing but I believe it's time to share with all of you who read this, which will probably be the same people I shared my secret site with. anyways here is a piece of me hope you likes it. It's called "Individuality"

Individuality

The sound of ebony and ivory tickles my soul.

The strong sensations expressed by each note are comforting.

As I become overwhelmed by the rush of emotions that engulf my being, I begin to feel calm and aware of my character.

The hum of brass follows the sound of the keys forming a melody of stories that develop personality.

As the melodic chapters unfold, the world becomes smaller and more open to the mind, however the individual becomes part of society and is trapped in mainstream noise.

I find myself yearning for simplicity, and abandoning everything that was been written in the new notations. I want to go back to the root of mainstream refrains, back to the time when the ivories and a steady beat would guide the spirit to euphoria.

It is difficult to return to the lucid past behind us but what we can uncover, and express in harmonies will give us back what society has take from us,

Individuality

Yet another piece of eye candy...HAHA!!

You read that title correctly! I have yet another piece of eye candy that will ONLY be eye candy. I know you are probably asking why. well for 1. He lives far far away and 2. there is no chance for him to ever come see me because he lives far far away. So I shall just admire from a far. Pictures of him and I are all I got and I am pretty happy with that. I laugh when I see some of the pictures because 1. he was after my best friend and 2. his smile is just so cute! hahaha!!

Just writing this is giving me the giggles. and is also making me think of someone else. That someone will never happen but it's cool to keep the thought of a maybe. But yes my new eye candy, awesome guy really. all around cool person. took care of my friends and i when we travelled out to Singapore to see our friend get married. My new eye candy was a groomsmen, and being a bridesmaid of course I sized up who our counterparts were going to be. The other guys were cool too! The Singapore Army has very good guys. They took care of us on the wedding night when the after party didn't go as planned and when I was determined to have a fun last night in Singapore they didn't disappoint me.

We got to party with a bunch of army guys and it was good times for sure! Now I can't remember all of their names but those I can remember will forever be in my memory for when I travel back to visit. I didn't think I'd like Singapore...but man that country is amazing! I think what got me was the sturtures that their city has. A mixture of old and new, traditional and modern it's amazing! I only wish I had my other camera to take some nice B&W shots. My time there was definitely TOO SHORT! I cannot wait to go back and I think I may have to do that really soon. haha.. i guess Singapore is a piece of eye candy for me as well! hehehe..

anyways I dont' want to say names but I'm sure most of you reading this already have an idea who it is, espeically those of you who can see my pictures on facebook. he's almost in every single one of my shots. hahahhaah!!!

alrighty well that's all I needed to say for this moment. I may write again tomorrow because it's my last two days in Powell River. Another chapter is closing and I'll need to jot things down. so.. until next post!

Lounge...

i really have no clue what to write. i want to sound smart but sounding smart is just dumb. i wish when i write here i can be just at silly as my drunk text messeging, which I am very proud to say I haven't done in awhile!

i really only send them to two main people. one who i just have to cuz well it's funny... and one to whom i "want" to. hahaha! I KNOW y'all know what i'm sayin'!! hahaha! drunk text messeging is fun. i like doing it. the weird crap that enters the mind when intoxicated is freakin hilarious. according to my roomates my last drunken nothing-ness came out as "Transformers...more than meets the eye... Transformers, Robots in disguise.." and apparently i was singing the Transformers theme song however those were the only words i knew and i just kept repeating them! hahaha!

its funny how when you're drunk a part of the real you comes out. i think everyone needs to get drunk at least once in their life and have someone video tape them. by doing so we all can see the real self that wants to come out instead of the masks that everyone puts on.

everyone puts on a mask there's no denying it. there's times in our lives when it's mandatory... like meeting those aunts and uncles who always say.."oh my god.. you're so big now" or "do you have a boyfriend yet? why not?!" we always put on that smile and laugh and say "oh auntie...." and really you just want to yell and scream "what do you mean i'm big now!? are you calling me fat!?" or "Yea i'm big the last time you saw me i was IN MY MOM'S BODY!" or "yea i don't have a boyfriend.. I don't need no man!" (adding the snap and head bob)... hahha! see there's always a mask.

people can be real, i'm not saying everyone is fake. I'm just saying that everyone has a little part that is a fib. a part that they kinda skew so that really it's them but it's not. you get it?

i'm one of those people who if someone comes up to me and says "omg i haven't seen you in ages.. how are you" I will totally be like "dude... it's been way too long! i'm good..what have you been up to?!" and then when the conversation is over turn to whom ever i'm with and ask "who the hell was that?! wasn't that that dude that like threw shit at me?"

it's my nature to put up a front too. we all put up a front until we feel comfortable. it's a joke but it's part of our defence mechanism. (did i spell that right).


okay the end. i have to end my mindless effort here cuz really i lost where i was going.. hahaa... night shifts are not good for my mind.

WAIT! i remember... no i don't.
until next post.

Meh.

So another week and a half has come and gone.. I know I said I would write every saturday but things came up and I was unable to make a post. Anyways I was having a rough week with my professor coming to visit me to do my evaluation. It was terrible. She accused me of not attempting any of my goals and doesn't believe I'm doing anything in my right scope of practice. I guess it is partly my fault for not calling her as often as I should be and handing in some of my journals late but really it's the last leg of what has been 4 years so can you really expect me to do the crap that our school thinks is nursing, how many nurses write journals and don't work in thier own scope. It is pretty obvious sometimes how we should act, and if we weren't doing it then we wouldn't have gone this far. Whatever, I re-wrote my evaluation and hopefully she likes that one.

I was emailing back and forth with a friend of mine who is also in the same boat. It's difficult not having the support of our other classmates. Even though we can call or talk to them online it's not the same as being able to see them every now and then. It's wierd. But yes, i was telling my friend how besides the lonliness factor, being in a small town is beneficial not only to finding lots of different experiences in all scopes, but it's beneficial to the "self" as well. This eerie quietness that I speak of when I mention Powell River I guess can be sort of an analogy for my life at the moment.

"The eerie quietness" is me being scared of myself. I'm seeing things in myself that really I knew that was there but was too afraid to face it. I'm growing here I feel it, i'm scared of it but alowing for whateer happens happen. I am finding a new respect for certain personailites and recognizing why it is I dislike them (notice how i use the word dislike instead of hate). It easy to look at the ugly parts of people but to find the good parts is the challenge and having been here on my own I am immune to the thoughts of others and am able to strip down my ideals. I can see that masks are made for reasons, and these reasons are prone to remarks but still it is a reason and it has to be respected... even though i think it's messed up, it's still theirs and they can have it. I have a lot of stupid reasons. Like not being able to open up to someone as i used to cuz of a stupid boy who broke my heart, or not showing affection to a friendly cat cuz i think it's gonna dig their claws into me.. haha! see all stupid reasons for me not to do something. But the all lead to one thing, reason leads to fear of self. the questions of what if and why not jumble my thought and here I am able to come up with facts instead of excuses.

it was good for me to come here. even though i missed out on a lot. and miss a lot of people it was good for me to come here and just focus on myself instead of all the stuff that I put myself through. I am almost ready to come home. A few more weeks here and hopefully i'll return with a new self worth.

my best friend has reminded me how i was brought up and i'm so glad for her words. I've sort of lost myself and those values in the last year and I'm glad i'm noticing it and being able to reconnect with my old values. maybe now i'm ready to share, something I couldn't do before. I'm ready to share, but not ready to actually do it just yet.. hahaha!

but thank you powell river. thank you for your eerie quietness that has open my mind to where I want to go.