It's been awhile...

Holy Crap! I did not even realize how long it's been since I've posted anything. a lot has happened since my last post and it's going to take a long time for me to catch up. I don't exactly feel up to doing the catch up right now but I do feel like just typing to get some things of my mind.

Friends:
I've found my niche. I know who my friends are and I know which ones will stay in my life forever. I know the ones I love most and I am going to be forever grateful for them being in my life. These people know me best... right down to the things I hate to the things I absolutely love and also know the changes i have made (which is scary sometimes but also comforting in a strange way). I have "friends" who i thought were the people that fit this profile but as i grow older and change (yes I do change...and recently I've been changing often) I've noticed that some "friends" aren't as accepting of my changes or are in disbelief that I have changed. I must admit I do hate change but i know it's part of life and it does happen, I've finally grown to accept that. I've noticed more in one of my best friends, she's done the most change and at times I feel uncomfortable with her but i know there's still part of the old her there and that will never change, and that's what i keep in my mind. No matter how much a person changes the person that you know is still in there just a little different. It's 5am and i don't know if any of this makes sense but the point i was trying to make is more of a ponder.... This friend that i have has known me for quite awhile... we have a very different lifestyle, however the "grown-up" me has done a lot of changing and a lot of work to get where I am today, yet this friend does not see it. I believe she doesn't want to see my change more because she doesn't believe I can, not because she doesn't like change. Her ideals have changed and therefore the lifestyle i lead I think does not fit her knowledge of how change is or becomes. It's disheartening.

Profession
I feel stuck. I'm feeling regret. Don't get me wrong I love my job. It's rewarding most of the time. I just feel sometimes the "what ifs" and it bugs me. the other day i went to a concert and seeing those dancers then talking to friends and family after the concert just made me think "what if" What if i took L.A. seriously. What if i kept training as a dancer? I don't have a dancers body...but i have their discipline. Then it made me think "why" and it all comes down to money and future. A dancer has a lifespan once you've reached the peak there's no real comfort or financial security. Then I feel okay with the profession i have... but why has our world turned into money? It's disheartening.

Catch Up
okay so i said no catch up but i need to make a little happy note after all this "disheartening" news i have lingering in my mind.
So i travelled Europe. I did it. I went on a contiki tour and it was AMAZING! BEST TRIP OF MY LIFE! the people i met, the relationships I've made it's crazy! I found myself on the trip... it made me see that i don't need to make changes i just allow the changes to happen to me. Makes sense?? ha ha well to me it does.

Eye Candy
So i feel like i should end this post on a funny note. eye candy for the summer of 2008
1. Michael Phelps
2. Robert Hoffman III
3. Oliver (Flying Canuck Performer)
4. Julian (Flying Canuck Performer)
5. Matt (can't say last name or how i know him [no derouin it's not you! and no it's not Matt from Contiki])

ok folks that's it.
until next post.