Unsteady Emotions
Unstable Desires
All lead to this whimsical feeling
But What is this feeling exactly?
I've seen it before, didn't like it.
I was reckless and scatterbrained and just not me.
I'm upset that I allow for this to happen
But i know for some odd reason I like it.
I like the erratic actions my mind thinks of.
This feeling is so fascinating to me that I drown
myself in it when I know I should just let it go.
I catch myself falling for the allure of it's future
but alas everything in my body tenses up.
How contradicting eh?
It's like I want it to happen but I don't?
How does that work?
This strong interest of mine is not at all boring or uninteresting
It's sexy.
It's so individualized and so independent
that I long for more.
An attraction to the unknown has always been my kryptonite.
This unknown being is amusing, different from other unknowns I've been attracted to before.
I'm dumbfounded and taken aback.
Speechless
A loss for words
For now I'll let my mind wander
and allow the whimsical feeling to taunt me
There's nothing else worth it right now.
until next post.
23.11.08
17.11.08
A year more than a Quarter Century
26.
Nov. 16th, 2008
I turned 26. It's weird but all the years from 21 till now it didn't feel different at all to turn another year older but for some reason 26 just felt weird. I went out with my friends, we went to a club. Did the things I've been doing since I was legal to go to club but as i sat in this club with drink in hand surrounded by awesome people it occurred to me that I was too old to be there.
I thought to myself constantly through the night, why am i here? The music was amazing the crowd was decent but it just didn't feel right being there. I felt old, I felt out of place and basically felt like going home but the music is what kept me there. As my friends began to fade I thought I would call it a night. 230 in the AM. We are usually troopers... we usually stay till the lights come on but for some reason we just weren't feeling it. Regardless i had an awesome birthday!
My friends Megan and Sarah both of whom i met on my Contiki tour were there to celebrate with me. Megan unfortunately "piked" however she was in the right mind to, waiting in line to get into a club for that long fuck if it wasn't my birthday i would've left too! But thanks Megan for coming out and being such a trooper! Sarah drove all the way from Portland so that was enough to make me happy on my birthday! She drove up just for me, she didn't even stay for 24 hours she came partied, crashed, ate and left. Now that's an awesome friend!
of course my best friends were on hand and as usual up to craziness. but it was all good!!
My sister remembered something I mentioned a long time ago, speed stacker.. or cup stackers. Look it up on youtube (cup stacking) and you'll know what i'm talking about. LOVE IT! BEST PRESENT EVER!! My sister said it best tonight at my family dinner. "Gail maybe 26 but she'll always be a kid who loves getting toys as presents" and what do i say to that... HELLZ YEA! read my info and you'll figure out what my fave toy is.
Anyways so another year older... I do actually feel older this time. sucks. but as my brithday buddy says "just look at it as another year wiser" and that will do.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes people!!!
until next post.
Nov. 16th, 2008
I turned 26. It's weird but all the years from 21 till now it didn't feel different at all to turn another year older but for some reason 26 just felt weird. I went out with my friends, we went to a club. Did the things I've been doing since I was legal to go to club but as i sat in this club with drink in hand surrounded by awesome people it occurred to me that I was too old to be there.
I thought to myself constantly through the night, why am i here? The music was amazing the crowd was decent but it just didn't feel right being there. I felt old, I felt out of place and basically felt like going home but the music is what kept me there. As my friends began to fade I thought I would call it a night. 230 in the AM. We are usually troopers... we usually stay till the lights come on but for some reason we just weren't feeling it. Regardless i had an awesome birthday!
My friends Megan and Sarah both of whom i met on my Contiki tour were there to celebrate with me. Megan unfortunately "piked" however she was in the right mind to, waiting in line to get into a club for that long fuck if it wasn't my birthday i would've left too! But thanks Megan for coming out and being such a trooper! Sarah drove all the way from Portland so that was enough to make me happy on my birthday! She drove up just for me, she didn't even stay for 24 hours she came partied, crashed, ate and left. Now that's an awesome friend!
of course my best friends were on hand and as usual up to craziness. but it was all good!!
My sister remembered something I mentioned a long time ago, speed stacker.. or cup stackers. Look it up on youtube (cup stacking) and you'll know what i'm talking about. LOVE IT! BEST PRESENT EVER!! My sister said it best tonight at my family dinner. "Gail maybe 26 but she'll always be a kid who loves getting toys as presents" and what do i say to that... HELLZ YEA! read my info and you'll figure out what my fave toy is.
Anyways so another year older... I do actually feel older this time. sucks. but as my brithday buddy says "just look at it as another year wiser" and that will do.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes people!!!
until next post.
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