A Plethora of Thoughts

I've noticed I haven't spoken in awhile. A lot has happened in the month and bit I haven't typed anything out. It will be a little all over the place but I'll try and keep some kind of organization to it. Mentally and emotionally I've been up and down, side to side and all over the place. Physically I've remained the same. Nothing good nor bad just very reflective. I can't place myself right now it's weird. I seem to be pulling myself in so many directions.. too many wants, no time nor space in life to go everywhere. Anyways here are my thoughts:

Thought #1:
I sit trying to remember where I wanted to start this blog and the first thing that enters my mind is Boyz II Men or how I remember them... Boys II Men. Amazing artists. Their music will stand I know it, however it did break my heart when I went to the music store and this boy (he looked like he was maybe 17 or 18) asked me if i needed help. i said "yea do you guys have the new Boys II Men cd?" and he was like "WHO?" and looked at me with that face like he thought I was making the group up. so i thought maybe he just didn't hear me correctly and i said again "Boys II Men" and he again gave me the look that he had no clue what I was saying. He led me to a computer and finally told me they didn't have the new cd and so i walked away and as i turned back to look at him I saw him whisper to a co-worker "Who's Boys II Men?" oh how this upset me. Anyhoo, I understand people just don't know all music so maybe this kid didn't listen to R&B, maybe he is too young to know.. but man was I hurt. when people don't know legends like that it makes me wonder if kids today can appreciate real music.

Music today has gone so weird that I've found myself playing old cds, I don't listen to the radio anymore because all the music sounds the same, or a lot of these new artists are remaking old songs or taking beats from old tracks and making their own tunes that sometimes work and most of the time don't. I hear there's an R&B movement out there and I'm praying they bring back that particular genre strong. I loved the days when you can connect to a song, when songs helped you get through the rough times or celebrate the good moments of life. There's a few new artists for the kids today that I feel have good messages like Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, or The Jonas Brothers or The High School Musical peeps--yea the music is pop but if you listen to the lyrics of their songs it's so positive, gives hope that kids today won't turn into the teens we have now. (yes i do listen to those people just out of curiosity, I actually like the Jonas Brothers they have a new song that they covered from a famous 80s band, super funny my sisters and i were laughing, okay totally off topic back to it) The teens and young adults who are so consumed with material things that it's disgusting. Bringing me to my next thought.

Thought #2

A lot of the music that I listened to, or that's out now is so much about money and what money can get you. Bling, fast cars, guns, gangsta this pop that... like what the F is going on?? Kids shooting kids because they aren't following certain trends. My little cousin is in the 8th grade, I bought him a sweater a brown hoodie with some funky metallic gold prints on it and he refuses to wear it because he thinks he's going to get beat up. I told him he won't get beat up for a sweater and he said "you don't know my school" Now I'm not saying music led to this mess that teens are in however I feel there is a connection somehow in the image of how artists today are presenting themselves. A hoodie. how can a hoodie get a kid beat up!?!? My little cousin goes to school and thinks by wearing something that the "cool kids" are wearing he'll get jumped or get used. I can see that happening but why? this is the thought that bugs me. Kids need security and society is trying their hardest by putting up certain measurements but really I think these kids the bullies or the so called "cool kids" need some better role models.

When I was in high school my role models were my parents and sisters. I was taught it's not about being cool or not cool. it's about respect. You show respect for others and they in turn will respect you. There were so many of my classmates where I saw parents who were very into the materialistic parts of life, they wanted their son or daughter to have the best, the best brand name clothes, the best brand name bags. I swear to you even some parents sucked up to teachers to make sure their child was in the right class, or on the right sports team. it made me sick. But those are the role models that these kids had. My close friends and I... we came from families that taught us you got what you got and you make do. And I believe that is what made us strong individuals today. Sure we have our money issues but we deal the right way. Those kids who had parents feed them those materialistic ideologies, those that i know of, are still sort of doing the same thing their parents did. Trying to get through their lives by keeping with trends and connecting themselves to people they think will get them somewhere. I guess high school will always be the same however I think with all parents just be that good role model their kids need we might be able to keep kids off the streets, or get kids embracing those different from them instead of hating them. I pray that we the future parents are going to be that for our kids. Show them how to love appropriately, show them it's not about the external presence but the soul that is important.

Thought #3

I promise to end it after this thought. Way too long blog entry I promise the next ones will be closer together time wise so that I'm not making long rants again.

okay so thought #3... silly really. boys. really what is so wrong that I can't get back on the wagon and date? seriously!? I was talking to one of my male friends and he was telling me that I give off this vibe that boys don't like, this "I don't need no man" vibe as he put it. He said I need to be chased, he said I need to flirt more or "eye fuck" as he put it. So what did I do?
I decided to try it. and i did, made a few of my guy friends feel awkward but also got one guy to ask for my number which i gave but got no phone call. So maybe there is some point to his theory but really what is wrong with me!? Is it my image? is it the independent thing? Do guys like girls who are clueless... i know that's not true because I have a very intelligent friend who just found her soul mate and I've never seen her happier. People keep telling me it's not me, but the relationship thing is a two way thing so there has to be something with me that needs to be what's keeping me finding relationships that are more than just friends. I'm sort of sick of being the girl that all the guys talk to so they can talk to my friend. My brother told me even Derrick told me i am just too busy, and it seems like I don't have time for a relationship. I admit I do have a lot on my plate and maybe that does get in the way. is it my lifestyle that guys don't like? am i too all over the place? hmmm.... whoa sort of taking me to another thought... but i made a promise I intend to keep so no more thoughts.

anyways thanks for reading. again sorry for the all over the place rant.

until next post.