My interest is annoying.
I want to say something but i feel like it shouldn't be said
I put myself in the same boat again and time and time goes by and the result is always the same. I always seem to put myself in a place where I hurt myself. I want something so bad and for some reason it just doesn't go the way I want. It's something I really can't just go after as much as I want to.
I've always tried to go after what I wanted. I also put my mind to something and get it done if it's something important. Which begs the question is this important? Well yes. It's important to me. I feel like it's the only piece missing in my life now. I have everything I could ever want except the one thing I think would make me even happier.
It's hard seeing my close friends have it, or even be close to having it. It's rough being the third wheel all the time. And as much as my friends say it's okay .. it's not. to me it's not.
this is the whole reason behind me getting away all the time. As much as I love my friends me getting away sort of makes me feel better. I travel because I connect with something. I admit I do travel for the love of the world but mainly it's because I find peace. I would love to share this feeling but i don't know if that''s written in the stars for me.
This is pathetic. Its my continuing story... the story of my life. An abundance of friendships but nothing more. I write about the same thing over and over and over again. Pathetic.
All I want is someone to share things with. Someone who will challenge life with me. I'm scared. I put myself out there once and my heart was broken. It still is mending and I put a lot of blame on that person. He made me open up, which i hate. I hold back now because of the fear. I'm over it now but there's still that part of me that's hesitant.
As much as I want something to happen it never will. I think it's time for another trip. Back to London.
until next post.
Why Blog?
- Gail
- I come here to share the inner thoughts of my mind. It may not make any sense, however I rarely do. My mind gets clouded by many jumbled ideas and I like it. Known for being on the go, and never staying in one place for more than 3 months but here I find tranquility and freedom.
1 comment:
I know what you're talking about and I know how you feel. For a long time I thought I'd never have it and would always be a singleton. Even when black guys hollered at me in the street in Toronto I was afraid to do anything. And even when I was on the "search" and thought I'd have the one, I didn't. I guess it only happened when I was okay with just being alone. Because when you know who you are and are okay with it, eventually the one finds you and loves you for it.
And even when your heart breaks, and life seems shitty without what it is that you want, it can make the better things in life stand out more, like travelling. But never use it to get away from your feelings, because they will always be there. I suppose the point I'm trying to get across is that it's the feelings that need to change. Don't think of yourself as lacking, think of yourself as having. And you still have much more than a lot of people...
I understand if you don't want to make this comment public! ;) I love u for u and don't forget that!
Scanders
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